either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
