Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize