(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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