'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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