bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize