I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
