Already got asked if we're dating
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
