you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
