How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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