the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
