I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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