eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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