Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
