Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
