i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize