I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Randomize
