My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
