I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
