**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
