i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
