I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
