my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
