hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
