I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
