This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
