There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
