piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
