True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
