Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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