Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
