Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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