Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize