He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
