just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
