Betty ford says i'm here all night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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