I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
