I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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