I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
