My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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