Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize