I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
