i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
