dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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