The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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