That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
