i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
