Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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