found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
