Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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