i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
