how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
