Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
