My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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