what day is it and did you see me today?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
