I just made out with a guy for $7.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
