Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
