I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
