the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
