Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
