is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
