You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
