sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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