I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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