i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
