When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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