i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize