You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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