On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My dick has a subreddit
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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