Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
only you would photoshop your dick
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm like, not good at living.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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