what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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