if you like me you must not know who I am
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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