Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
