I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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