I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize