just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
