69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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