Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
