AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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