Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
