I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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