Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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