just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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