it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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