Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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