Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
