So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
