This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
