tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
