oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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