I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
