There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize