Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
