Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
