I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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