C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
