Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize