I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
