I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
