how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
