We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
