OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
