Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
