Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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