He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
