Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
