i barfeds in our rink
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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