I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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