successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize