Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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