I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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