Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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