so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
