Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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